My story begins in 5th grade.

I realized something major: I didn’t like girls. During our sleepovers, the other boys talked about them nonstop -- how short was her skirt? Could you see her legs? What about her boobs? I kept asking myself, “Gross, what am I not understanding?”

After years of self-examination, I finally came to the realization and acceptance that I am a Raging Homosexual™. And after some more self-examination, I realized that was only part of my sexual awakening. There was something else, something deeper that kept begging to come out. I would only feel this burning, churning, yearning in particular places: calculus class, after-school math tutoring, Kumon.

I realized I was -- nay, am -- in love with something more than any mere mortal. I was moaning for mathematics. 

Thinking about that love and job prospects, I ended up majoring in applied mathematics and statistics in college. It was an emotional rollercoaster: tears, fights, and eventual reconciliations with my subject matter. After four years in a tumultuous bedroom, I came out as a top after starting as a bottom.

Make no mistake -- I am not a skilled mathematician. But I am a mathematician like no other. Indeed, my love for mathematics does not manifest through clean proofs or successful equation-solving. No, it definitely does not manifest through those. It manifests through something hot, wet, and carnal: erotic poetry.